Thursday, September 16, 2010

Woman in the mirror and vissons of the future.

After a year on transitioning I put to question on who is Zoe? And what is Zoe's life like now? Well I am and always have been Zoe, I am a fun loving out going and lover of all things beautiful and artistic. I am work hard at letting the world know who I am and the life that I'm creating for myself and the people around me. I am a little bit rock, a little bit goth/punk, a bit of a country girl, and a creative soul. I never had much in money nor do I expect to be rich someday, but I aspire to live a life worth living regardless of money. I've was married and am parent of two great boys that I love dearly and wish only the best for them.
I have recently enrolled in school at South West Institute of Natural Aesthetics, and am taking classes to become a aesthetics & Laser Technician that is fifty-five weeks longs and will create a new chapter in my transition as I view this as a creative and feminine career choice. I know that men work in these trades but it makes me feel like a new chapter as Zoe s beginning. I have decided to come out at school but as of now I do not know when, it all depends on when I start school as I'm on a waiting list for the October classes and if I do not get in I'll start in February. I plan on being full time by my next birthday.
Now we come to my professional life. I as of now have a new job working at Sears Technical Support and I am currently in training for the next five to six weeks. I am so excited for this new job, as for being out at work I don't think this will happen till after my name and gender is changed on paper as I don't want to go to work or school with a I.D. saying my old name on it or having a big M on it either wile dressed as my true female self. But all in good time, I'll get things ironed out.
My life as a whole is improving and I am happy with most of what is going on in my present life, even though there are lots of downs and pit falls as of late I try not to dwell on them. I wish I could see my kid more and be able to give my ex-wife money to support them but being broke and going into debt kinda makes getting beyond ones bill very hard.
I am in a wonderful relationship with a inspiring woman and in the past few months she has been living with me and bringing lots of light to my world. She has helped me through my transition so much and made me a very happy woman. Sophia has sacrificed so much to be with me and I treasure that and what it meant for her to move in the middle of summer to Arizona from Washington. I love her so much and hope the best for our future for us.
As I said before I am and always have been Zoe in one shape or form, I was shy and sensitive, I was and am easily emotional and tied to my heart, I never liked sports or overly guy things. My interest in women have always been in perspective as a gay woman and so was conflicted when in a relationship in the male role. My love for art and music comes from a very feminine part of my being and before coming out was muted and suppressed. I am so free now and even in the constraints of the duality of my current life I feel more at home in my skin than ever in my entire life. I see me just putting on a costume when it comes to dressing male and pretending in a male role, and little by little letting Zoe out softening people up for when the time comes to come out full time.
So what dose the future hold for me who knows but I am looking forward to the grand adventure of it all. I'm setting the corner stone of mu future with going to school and my dream is to open a full salon and day spa one day and really cater to the LGBT community and making it a really safe place for my transgender Brothers and Sisters to come to for there needs and wants. As for my transition I am loosing weight and taking all my medications to bring about all the physical changes in my appearances. I am waiting to at least two years on hormones to do any surgical alterations to my body due to a "wait and see" concept and evaluate how my body has developed by then. As for the big surgery I'm in no hurry I have bigger fish to fry than worry about being anatomically correct. Although I loosely plan it to be in three to four years from my next birthday give or take a year. I think getting it done on my birthday symbolizes so much to me and setting a type of rebirth.
There is talk between me and Sophia about moving away from phoenix as well our destination in still in flux as there are so many factors to influence that and what we want to do. I do want my boys to be part of my life and to always know me for who I am, and so moving to a far off place would not be an option unless the time they spent with me were to be in extended periods of time but that would not be a good option. But we do want to move and create a new place in the world for us and maybe just moving to a cooler part of the state I love so much.
There is not much else to say except I love all my family and there overwhelming support and my deepest sympathies and apologies to my ex-wife Chanel for having to be the one who the one who indirectly helped me to relies who I was on the inside and what it did to what we had. I love you all and hope you will all continue this journey with me.
As I live my life, a life into Zoe.


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