Saturday, April 23, 2011

Broken Hearted and Bleeding

I honestly don’t know what to do anymore :( I just don’t have the energy to deal with this whole thing with my family anymore. Why can’t Chanel get out of my life and stay in hers and let me have mine back, I miss my family and I want them back, I miss them :( . I feel like my family has decided that she is more important than me and that I’ve never been given a chance.
  I’ve seem to have lost my family somewhere in this, I feel that they have made her more of a member of the family than me and I’m devastated in that fact. I honestly don’t know why Chanel is doing this and it hurts, I know that when we were together that she hated going to see my family and spending time in their homes. She considered their homes unsafe and filthy and did not the boys around the dogs, now she takes every opportunity to visit and hang out with my family and uses my boys to do it. I somehow became the badguy in this and I don’t know how that happened, I mean if my family wanted to see my kids and stuff why did they not ask me to bring them. I could arrange that or at least they would know what I’m going through in not being able to see them.
I feel like one by one I’m losing my family and that there falling more closely behind my ex-wife and not at all supporting me in my struggles. I’m spent on this I have no more fight left in me and all my energy is in getting the divorce settled and getting my part of custody for my kids so I can see them and be a supporting parent again. Don’t they understand if Chanel had her way that she would take the kids away forever and no one would ever see her again or my boys! I can’t just go to family events and keep acting like nothing ever happened and that everything is fine, because it’s not. It hurts every time I see her and I feel the pain of her betrayal every time, I can’t seem to move on when my family keeps dragging my past back into my life.
 I need to heal!!! I need my family!!! I need to move on!!! Please!! Please!! Let me move on!!! Just quit asking her to events and family gatherings till at least this whole mess is settled and I have a chance to get over it and breathe. If my family wants to see my kids then help me get to see them more and I would be happy to bring them over to family parties and events. I just want my loving supporting family back and my kids back in my life and I want to be whole and to live my life without pain or regret.
 I just want to live my life. A life into Zoe


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