Thursday, August 16, 2012

Becoming Whole

So I've made up my mind (and yes this can change again) after being all over the place about my next step in transition, I've come to a conclusion that Gender Confirmation  Surgery is going to be the next step and very possibly the last step in my transition.
 I have been thinking that I just can’t afford to tie up so much money in the years to come into surgeries instead of investing it into a life with my soon to be wife. If I have a windfall somewhere down the road I may get breast or facial surgery but for now I'll just rely on hormones to give me what I need and just be patient. I also have to consider Sophia in all this and that she herself needs GCS as well and that is something I don't want to leave her behind in the dust while I move forward. I want us to transition together and this is too important to put aside.
This also means getting on my homework in how I’m going to pay for surgery and a plan on making it happen. I really at this point that reality have me going outside the US for surgery; it’s either Canada or Thailand.
 I need this done for all sorts of reasons and the other surgeries are just window dressings. Not having the proper sex to my gender is a very big hindrance. I can’t be legally female without it nor can I have a normal life as a woman without concern of being found out or even having a physical relationship with the person I love.
 I can live with small breasts if I have to, many women do. I can live with the face I have, I get many compliment on my looks and I get hit on by men all the time so I must be doing something right. I can lose weight and have a muffin top as a big percentage of women in the world have the same issues. I just can’t live with having a penis when I should have a vagina. It tears me up every day I know that it’s there. I get so bummed out when I see another friend have the surgery I so desperately need.
I can live with the other stuff but I need this to live my life as the woman I need to be.


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