Wednesday, June 10, 2015

The world keeps on turning.

 So I guess it’s time to get back into this blog of mine. I mean I’ve been gone for so long and really it’s just time to start again. Since my last real blog I owe the world and myself an explanation for my silence; one was because of my battle for custody over my boys and the need to keep silent for legal reasons. Two is that I was just lost in myself and my life.
 Well to report much has changed and a good deal of it not in my favor I’m sorry to report. I lost my battle for my kids and my ex has made it clear she’s never going to encourage or be helpful in any way when it comes to being part of my boy’s life. In her mind she’s protecting them from me and the LGBT boogieman, saying it’s just something a child shouldn’t have to know about or could grasp. I’m so tired of this close-mindedness and honestly I don’t have it in me to fight it anymore, at least not right now.  

 Like I said much has happened and the most traumatizing one was the death of my best friend and mother this past fall and my ostracization from my sister and stepfather. My mom was one of my best friends and also my wisest of mentors and it broke me when she passed so suddenly. She raised me as a single mother since I was thirteen and worked her ass off working part time jobs and making little money doing so. She sold art, crafts and her time to make the holidays happen and make sure we had little extra things that made life a little better. Throughout the years she’s always been there for a shoulder to cry on or to share life with. I just don’t know what to do without her.

 So much to do, so much change. Life has changed so much like I said before and the positive and scariest was moving to Tacoma Washington. I feel like a fish out of water here and traumatizing enough without all the issues mentioned before, and well I kinda snapped. It took months to have the will just get out of bed and even start looking for work and then also finding out I needed to get my CDL back to even have a chance at finding work. The rejection from being turned down job after job is not a fun thing and it can get to you over time. I never encountered discrimination upon myself before and now I’ve been getting it through every turn; either it’s being a woman in a man’s job or that I’m FAT. I don’t seem to think I’m being read as trans but that could be it to. IDK life seems to just suck right now and my life seems to just rolling along.

Tata for now.


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