People are always asking about how I came out to my family and about how should they tell theirs, I responded that I wrote my family and let them have the space they needed to digest it all and time to be able to be ready to talk about a life changing subject. I've included in my blog today a copy of my letter to my mother and how I cam out to her, I've lost her response to the letter but that's too personal to post and only has meaning to me. I say this is one of the hardest letters I had ever had to write and I hope it will help others.
(January 2010)
"Dear Mom,
I am ready to talk now and I am so sorry that I’ve been keeping you in the dark about what’s really going on with me and with what happened between me and Chanel. I know I told you about so many things about why my marriage was failing and the things I told you were all very fixable and we were doing just that, till last August.
What I am about to tell you is very hard to talk about and be open with, and as of now very few people know including Chanel, Kathy and now you after this email. As you know I have been going to therapy since September but what you don’t know is the real reason why. During my time at Landmark there was something that was coming to light something I was desperate to keep hidden for the rest of my life. This was something that has been there all my life since as long as I can remember to even early childhood and never fully accepted it till four months ago. I spent my entire life running and hiding from it thinking it would go away or it was just some faze. I joined the military it was there, I tried a “normal” life it was still there and even got married and had a family
and still it was there and is never going to go away because it was a part of me.
Then thank god you and Kathy sent me to Landmark and it was there I gained the strength to see the light. It was the second week of my SELP class that I had a breakthrough in the biggest in authenticity of my entire life. And it was then that I new that I needed to seek help. It was then I came out to Chanel and went into therapy. It was in therapy I was told that I had a condition called Gender Identity Disorder, confirming something I have know all my life. This was part of the reason I never fit in as a kid and why I would rather stay home by myself. At the time I did not know what I was dealing with and I know everyone tried to figure out what was wrong with me. As I got older I started to understand what I was feeling and that was I wanted to be a girl and not a boy, and I would wish and hope and dream that this would come true. As I got older things got even more confusing as the fact that I liked girls and that I was very attracted to them even if I had no self confidence to follow through. Part of the reason this is coming out now is that in Globe as a kid was not a great experience with all the teasing and bullying and this would have made it worse.
I know now that I should have told someone and that it would have been ok and that as your son you would of helped me through all of this if I had came out then. There were so many times I wanted to tell you what was going on when I was a kid. It’s one of my biggest regrets as I had many opportunities.Things are hard now but getting better, and as you may have guessed I am doing
well in my treatment and that starting a new chapter in my life. I am going to take the steps to become a woman to match my body with my feelings and inside.
I have a very long and hard journey ahead of me I know this is hard for you and I wanted to tell you it‘s not your fault I was born this way there is nothing that could have been done. I could not hold it in anymore from my family especially you mom. This is why Chanel left and as sad as it is I understand, I hope you will still be my mom and I am so sorry that I’m telling you all these tough things. But I needed you to know.
I love you and pray for your support… Zach"
I am ready to talk now and I am so sorry that I’ve been keeping you in the dark about what’s really going on with me and with what happened between me and Chanel. I know I told you about so many things about why my marriage was failing and the things I told you were all very fixable and we were doing just that, till last August.
What I am about to tell you is very hard to talk about and be open with, and as of now very few people know including Chanel, Kathy and now you after this email. As you know I have been going to therapy since September but what you don’t know is the real reason why. During my time at Landmark there was something that was coming to light something I was desperate to keep hidden for the rest of my life. This was something that has been there all my life since as long as I can remember to even early childhood and never fully accepted it till four months ago. I spent my entire life running and hiding from it thinking it would go away or it was just some faze. I joined the military it was there, I tried a “normal” life it was still there and even got married and had a family
and still it was there and is never going to go away because it was a part of me.
Then thank god you and Kathy sent me to Landmark and it was there I gained the strength to see the light. It was the second week of my SELP class that I had a breakthrough in the biggest in authenticity of my entire life. And it was then that I new that I needed to seek help. It was then I came out to Chanel and went into therapy. It was in therapy I was told that I had a condition called Gender Identity Disorder, confirming something I have know all my life. This was part of the reason I never fit in as a kid and why I would rather stay home by myself. At the time I did not know what I was dealing with and I know everyone tried to figure out what was wrong with me. As I got older I started to understand what I was feeling and that was I wanted to be a girl and not a boy, and I would wish and hope and dream that this would come true. As I got older things got even more confusing as the fact that I liked girls and that I was very attracted to them even if I had no self confidence to follow through. Part of the reason this is coming out now is that in Globe as a kid was not a great experience with all the teasing and bullying and this would have made it worse.
I know now that I should have told someone and that it would have been ok and that as your son you would of helped me through all of this if I had came out then. There were so many times I wanted to tell you what was going on when I was a kid. It’s one of my biggest regrets as I had many opportunities.Things are hard now but getting better, and as you may have guessed I am doing
well in my treatment and that starting a new chapter in my life. I am going to take the steps to become a woman to match my body with my feelings and inside.
I have a very long and hard journey ahead of me I know this is hard for you and I wanted to tell you it‘s not your fault I was born this way there is nothing that could have been done. I could not hold it in anymore from my family especially you mom. This is why Chanel left and as sad as it is I understand, I hope you will still be my mom and I am so sorry that I’m telling you all these tough things. But I needed you to know.
I love you and pray for your support… Zach"
I'm happy to be me now and my family accepts me and see's me as a woman.
As I live my Life, My Life As Zoe.
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2 comments:
Hi love your blog. I just wondered how did you get your OWN font in there ?
Sandra
There is a option in the edtitor that allowed me to have it. Thank you so much hun I hope that more can enjoy my blog.
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