The More Things Change The More They Stay The Same.

 So I feel like I still get the third degree and cold shoulder from people because I talk about my future and things I want to do and have when right now I haven't been able to pay child support for my boys.

 To be honest I talk about my plan for my future and by no means am I excluding my boys from it. To me it's an unsaid thing that I would unquestionably be doing if my life was on track. You don't say when you’re talking about planning "after I eat dinner, pay my rent do my daily routine that I'm going to go and do this or that life experience" No this is the unsaid responsibilities that we do and don't need to talk about all the time.

 I plan on my boys be a active part of my life one day and I plan on helping them to grow up into fine young men and part of that is helping their mother pay the bills to care for them. Why do you think I've spent the last 2 1/2 years in school? I need the education to have a new life, income and career so that I can do these things.  I can still help my boys and still be a good parent to them but I can’t do it on 8 hours a month and with everyone thinking I'm a horrible parent.  I’m a damn good parent and if people would let me I would do just that.

This will also be the third Christmas that I’ve missed out on with my boys and to be honest I’m sick of it. I’m not a danger to my children, nor am I confusing them or threaten their health in any way. My boys love me and miss me when I’m not with them and I the same. My boys know me as a woman and don’t remember anything else. I’m ready to have them back in my life and it seems that the stubbornness of my ex-wife and her ignorance will bar me from this to levels of endless frustration. Doesn’t she see that she’s hurting our boys by keeping me away from them?  I can’t wait till there both old enough to make choices and requests on their own, maybe they will see what wrongs that have been done to them and make choice to change their lives for the better, till then I can only hope.

I’ll be waiting for them when they do.

~Zoe